Why do people find it so hard to believe that I, a 20-something year old, have never been kissed? Is it because I’ve already had three whole ‘that kind of like-like’ relationships so far (that I was conscious of)? Maybe I’ll try to express it here to get rid of the whole peer pressure confusion as to why I’ve never been kissed.
First kiss – a mushing of lips and/or faces together in what is apparently the most romantic and amazing action of pubescent life as illustrated by EVERY medium ever in a positive context.
Why have I never been kissed? I have absolutely no idea.
I’m not even sad or angry that in all the relationships I had, that I’ve never kissed any one of them. I’m just confused. Not about why I’ve never kissed, but just why people assume I had. Probably because that kissing is declared to be the ultimate action of two people fully expressing their affections after hours and days of talking, enjoying, dreaming and all that jazz of being in a romantic relationship. But it never occurred to me. I did like them, I did enjoy each of my moments with them, but I just never kissed them.
I probably can blame it on lots of stuff…
The Yellow Bicycle
We didn’t spend enough time actually face to face, hence the shyness around each other when we did; but I loved that relationship. It felt like we were an old-fashioned couple, respecting each other too much to physically touch each other (its a really old Asian thing that no one remembers or does anymore). For an early teenage relationship, it was probably one of the most peaceful relationships I will ever have. Even when the parting came, our touches didn’t.
We had no idea what we were doing after the initial (and probably physical) attraction. Although I was now a few years older, it didn’t mean I was any more mature. In fact, after the tranquility of the last one, I had no idea how the next one was to be. This one was wholly different, an absolute heart-pounding thrill. Teasing, joking, poking; a whirlwind of emotions. Unfortunately, puberty hit hard with all of its emotional explosions and stuff, and things ended even before they truly had time to grow.
This one was wholly my fault, and even now, quite some years later, I still feel deep guilt about it. Bad timing and the shizz, I jumped in headfirst and completely fucked up. But hey, at least I chose to face the fact that I could not wholly invest myself into the relationship early on, BUT that is no excuse for causing hurt to someone who tried to understand and support me even though the heart placed happily into my hands was thrust tearfully back. The present silence is more of a shame thing now, I guess.
I guess the reason I’ve never been kissed is because I never kissed. As simple as that.
And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. I did really really like each and every one of them. I still do. I just never kissed them. And there is nothing wrong with that. I am a bit confused as to why I never did, but if I questioned everything that made me feel like this, I would be mad.
Oh wait… hehehe :p
I don’t believe in being ready for a kiss, nor do I believe it happens spontaneously as well. The truth is, I don’t care. Okay, it will definitely be heart pounding and memorable and all that, but I’m not sad that it hasn’t happened to me yet, despite the bike, the mic and the change. Nor am I proclaiming that my lips are still untouched, awaiting the tender explosion of the shared sign of affection, after the holding of hands and hugging and shit.
And so what? Of course, when it happens, I will do the whole ‘gush out to my friends’ and ‘replay the image in my head over and over’ and all that, but now, in my current state, so freaking what.
And besides, whoever said that True Love’s Kiss was the first?
To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what this post is about anymore.This has been bugging me for a while, and I don’t feel any nearer to a satisfying answer, but here’s a rant :p
Happy weekend, potatoes! ❤ ❤
I think I’m going to regret publishing this.